For a man who always dreams of future potentials I find my heart often bleeds for the past. The simple pleasures of my childhood, the things that represented my existence. Of course there are the people, many of which are shrouded with heartache. Heartache because I love them, cared for them and because of how they treated me - both the good and the bad - and how I treated them, for better or worse.
I don't regret much, if anything, but I do so wish I could go back and run down the ramp at Uanda, one of my childhood homes just one more time, taking as big a jump as possible so as not to land on the blue tongue lizard which made its home underneath. Or to climb and pick mulberries from our mulberry tree. Playing in the old bus that lay just over the fence beyond our backyard. I wish I could be back there to let my Mum and Dad know how much I appreciate all they did for us on a day to day basis. Encouraging me, against all odds to clean my room, do my homework and brush my teeth. My inner stealth thwarted their attempts with ease - but the intent behind their efforts stuck with me.
It was not only my parents who I hold dear in my thoughts of the past but there were many fringe people who had tremendous impact. My dear Aunt died recently and how I miss her. She had such a unique way of making me feel like I was someone special, as though - in some way - I had a gift that none other had. She always was upbeat, warm, and loving, though as an adult, I now suspect her life was hard and threaded with difficulties that I could only begin to imagine. Yet in some way, she found it in her heart to love me. Did she know God? I am not sure. God's grace is a gift, not earned and that is His prerogative but if I had to say, my dear Aunt is one of those people who deserve a little attention from the Creator for the way in which she conducted her life in spite of difficulties.
It is people like my Aunt, who enabled those small priceless memories, of which I yearn for, to be precious. I love you Auntie - I will miss you and it saddens me to close yet another chapter on my life, which was made possible by you.
